Nestucca River Round 4

After continuous, in-the-field research I've come to the conclusion that camping is good for the soul. There is something so beautiful about spending all day and night outside in nature and unplugged from the rest of the world. You wake up when the sun shines into your tent and the river pouring over the rocks becomes the background music of the day. You are without the comforts of home, but you can indulge yourself by sitting around the campfire and playing fun games to pass the time.Yes, it is good for the soul, but going on our annual Nestucca River camping trip is also so good for my heart. 

Summer 2012 was my first time camping at the Nestucca. Joel and I had secretly (another story for another day) been dating less than 2 weeks so this was also the first time I was going to meet his family. It was also only my 3rd time camping ever. So, needless to say, I was freaking out, as any girlfriend might worry when they meet their boyfriend's parents or any traditionally city girl might hesitate when going to sleep outside. However, the ante was  up'ed because I wasn't just meeting his parents. On the way to the campsite, Joel was teaching me names and general bio's of his whole family-friend tree as he navigated his stick shift car through some serious hills and around the biggest potholes I've ever seen. I rode shotgun to this rally and was desperately trying to memorize names. He kept dumping more and more onto me as we drove along... This person is married to this person and so-and-so is their kid. I was given about a dozen names during that conversation. I became completely paranoid that I was going to call Joel's mom Lora instead of Lisa and how my plan was just to not use any names the whole time I was there. 

To make matters worse, Joel was also freaking out. He hadn't exactly been bringing home his college girlfriends to meet the folks and he had never brought a girl on his family's camping trip before. Since we were dating for such a short period of time, this was kind of a big deal for a relationship that from the outside looked like a summer fling. 

Also extending this uneasy introduction, was the fact that Joel did not prepare his family to meet me either. I'm not even sure they knew he was bringing a girl at all. So just after we got there, there was a slightly awkward, harmless conversation, where Joel's mom mistook me for Joel's ex. I bit my tongue and let Joel handle it instead of telling her that I was the new girl who decided she could treat him better than the girl I was being mistaken for. This conversation was followed by me desperately trying to act like I knew how to put up a tent in front of Joel's parents, which of course I failed to do epically.

 A few hours later, camp was set up, I had been fed what can only be referred to as a gourmet camp dinner and I was feeling the effects of my first authentic shot of Absinthe that had been arranged for me by Joel's mom and dad. I was snuggled close in-between the man I was falling in love with and people that had been strangers to me just a few hours ago, laughing my head off and throwing coins into the pot of what's got to be the strangest poker game this world will ever know. I stopped caring about what I looked like and threw the idea of making a good first impression out the window. There was no hesitation to be the competitive, smart ass, ridiculous person that I had been raised to be and Joel's "second mom" called me "feisty" and said that she liked me already. I took a moment and realized that I was feeling exactly how I feel when I was with my own family. It was the same game playing, story telling atmosphere, where I could be myself, but I had literally just met these people. Crazy! 

Of course that was the moment I completely let my guard down and then two seconds later completely made a fool out of myself. 

This is the story that is told every year and even though it embarrasses me to my core, I consider it some kind of initiation process into the Nestucca gang and that, I am proud of..

So, poker night with the Brunello/Spear/Madden gang is a circus. Every hand the dealer picks a random poker variation with some outlandish name. The wildcards, number of cards dealt, studs and draws, everything changes all the time and you pretty much have to have 5 of a kind or a straight flush to win anything. Still to this day I throw coins into the pot and pray for a miracle on some hands, but most of us do, so that adds to the fun. My first night of learning all these rules was shenanigans. I had no idea what I was doing, until "Screw your Buddy" came along which is a super simple 1 card game that is loosely based on indian poker I'd say, but everyone has 3 quarters out in front of them and if their card is the lowest at the end of the game they lose a quarter until they are out of quarters. The tension builds as everyone is eliminated and it comes down to me and Joel's dad, Tony playing head-to-head. He has the advantage of having 2 quarters left while I only have 1. The first hand is dealt and I win it. At this point, I go from thinking I'm going to lose to be completely ecstatic at the possibility that I could actually take this game which is by far the longest and most expensive game we've played all night. The last card, which is the deciding factor is dealt and played and I WON! This is where I proceed to get up from the picnic table and full on run around the table in a circle, taking a victory lap.

Tony, however, is not running around the table with me. Tony has left the table though and has walked down the bank onto the dock, clearly to get away from my complete lack of respect that I had just shown. I spiraled into embarrassment as soon as I stopped running and realized how big of a mistake I had made. Who was I to show up on this man's vacation and create this huge exhibition when I beat him at his own game? I cried. It wasn't until a little later when his friends were laughing that I learned that Tony had decided much earlier that this particular game wasn't his greatest fan and him getting away from the table wasn't completely because I had shown possibly the worst sportsmanship ever to be committed during poker. He forgave me and from that day on I became forever linked to the victory lap.

Mark, DeeDee, Bill, Lora, Tony, Lisa, Joel and the luckiest girl in the world.

That night, after completely falling in love with his family, I poured my soul out to Joel in that tent that I pretended to know how to build and he held me tight and said things that I'd be waiting to hear my whole life.

Easily one of the best nights of my life.

Every year we go back to the same camp site, with the same people and every year there is a new funny story, game, delicious meal and just genuine good times from dawn to wayyyyy past dusk. We have begun a new beer pong tournament which is increasingly competitive every year, go figure. 

-2015 Beer Pong Champs-

 We also roasted cheese filled hot dogs as a super satisfying late night snack and mucked around in our rain boots this year. 

 We originally dedicated Monday night to Tuesday morning for camping this year, but on the way home from spending just that one night we decided we didn't get quite enough Nestucca and we would try to make it work so we could spend the upcoming weekend back at camp. I celebrated my mom's birthday with my family on Friday night and Joel got off work late around 10, but we packed up the car, split an energy drink and back up the mountain we went. Halfway there we realized we had forgot our poker money. It's kind of a big deal. Everyone has their unique coin holding container, but not important enough that we would turn back now. We trekked up, bummed that we might not be playing poker or we would have to buy someone else's coins. Little did we know at that time that we had actually left our coin jars there all along. While we were away all our silver coins were traded for pennies. According to Nestucca tradition this is what happens when you leave your coins behind. 

The whole prank backfired when we unexpectedly drove back into camp. Joel and I weren't mad  because we were worried we weren't going to have any coins to play with! We made them regret doing all that exchanging when we started to play poker again and started dumping hundreds of pennies into the pot and making silly ante bets like 9 cents. Even after Joel and I won a hand or two and we had silver coins to bet with we refused to use them and continued counting, stacking and dumping pennies onto them. The whole situation was absolutely hilarious to me. I couldn't stop making nonsense penny jokes and the time we took counting out pennies slowed the game down and cramped their style. I'm thinking of only playing with pennies from now on. 

So, every year right after our anniversary we go camping. Its hard for me not to become nostalgic because it marks the beginning of a new year together. This was our 4th camping trip, next will be the 4th time we celebrate our birthdays and then the 4th time I make Joel wear a ridiculous couples costume for Halloween.. Thanksgiving, Christmas.. it all seems to fly by. 

I think about how far we've come together since the first camping trip. How many hoops we've managed to jump through and how much our families have loved us and supported our relationship through progress and setbacks. 

Joel and his family are made of love that is unconditional. They brush things off that feel so heavy to me sometimes and remind me that the picture is so much bigger than the detail I'm focused on. They are some of warmest people I've ever met and I am so grateful and overwhelmed by their hospitality and how they always check in with us emotionally. Whatever happens next, however Joel and I manage to change or move forward, the time I spend at the river daydreaming about what future years at the Nestucca could look like for me has brought me so much joy and hope. It always reminds me to celebrate exactly what I have with such an amazing man and why I want to continue to build my life with him.

Happy 3 years, Joel. Thanks for sharing your extraordinary family with me and jumping into the deep end of this love thing with me.

-that one girl who now loves camping 

Goodbye, Jack.

I started to write this right after I found out we had to put Jack down. Also, right after I had finally stopped bawling my eyes out and picked myself off of my closet floor. I decided however, it was better to keep myself together at that point than to cry all over this keyboard and to be honest I have very thoughtful things to say about Jack and there wasn't anything comprehendible coming out of me that night. Better late than never, right?

More or less this is my dog's obituary: 

It was the spring before I turned 16 when we brought Jack home. 16 is of those cliche ages that changes you no matter what is actually happening in your world, but literally my whole life dramatically changed that year. Most excitedly we brought home Jack, the most concentrated form of cuteness I'd ever experienced. We carried him around in a cup towel wherever we went. I showed him off like a proud big sister and everything was going perfectly well and then..
My family did a complete 180. My brother flew the coop. He married his wife and they bought a house and took our cat, Petey, with them. I'm 100% positive that Jack was overjoyed to become the only animal in the house, but Jonny leaving meant less love and attention for Jack. This included the fantastic Japanese lessons that Jack was enrolled in to become less frequent. I always bragged that Jack was bilingual. He could sit and lay down (...most of the time) when Jon would command his attention with Japanese phrases, that sounded like nonsense to me and the rest of the family. 
Then both of my parents started new jobs. My mom at the time we got Jack worked her ass off at home (just to clarify she was in management for a technology company and not a stay-at-home mom) and my dad had become miserable after 14 years at Kaiser Permanente and was plotting how to kill his boss, but also still working his ass off. New jobs, however, meant new schedules. Mom went from puppy training and Kate chauffeuring 24/7 to getting out of her pajamas and going to work leaving Jack alone. Dad went from your basic day time shift (which he had had my whole life) to working swing shift and even doing a stint of graveyard. We can be grateful for it now, because my parents are so much happier, but at the time it was a huge adjustment and I can't imagine the abandonment baby Jack must have experienced. 

Mom also got a new car when I got my license. So pretty much we can guesstimate the age of my dog, my brother's marriage, how long my parents have been at their new jobs, how long I've been driving and how long we've had the Toyota Highlander all gauged at the same time. Sprinkle in the first ever (and only) time a boy had broken up with me, going through at least 3 different best friends that year, a crippling lesson on how to lose when you were raised to be highly competitive and you have the year of 2006 in the life of me. Coming home to Jack was a constant in a really unpredictable year. 

There are three things I have to thank Jack for. I know he won't hear me and that's okay.

First of these things is how active he made my parents. All the time people from my hometown tell me that they saw my parents and their dog walking. These were lengthy walks. According to my parents pedometers, we are talking like 6 mile walks spanning multiple zipcodes at times. Unless it was exceedingly hot or pouring down rain my parents and Jack would be out waving at all the cars that gave them the right of way at the intersections. I guarantee Jack marked his territory on more fire hydrants/telephone poles/mailboxes than the average dog. Before mom and dad started taking Jack on walks he would run sprints in the house.. around the pool table into the family room around the coffee table.. into the master bedroom (to check on mom and wrestle dad until he laughed hysterically and mom yelled at dad to stop riling him up) and then he would repeat the loop. He was also just generally naughty. After he really got into the routine of walking he mellowed out and became a much better dog. He stayed at the front door instead of running down the neighborhood and could even spend some time at parks off the leash where he would stay close and try to herd my mom and dad back together. I studied health and biology (which I refer to as death when I'm moody) in college and I can't thank Jack enough for getting my parents who are in their early 50's off the couch. I loved calling the house on a weekend morning and knowing they weren't going to answer because they were out being healthy. I think the Vitamin D helped my California girl mother be more ok with the fact she lives in Oregon and mom and dad always used the walk to catch up. I have to give Jack credit for being a healthy influence.


Secondly, and probably the most important, Jack was my mom's buddy. When I left for college my dad was still working wonky hours. Unfortunately, my mom and dad pretty much never saw each other during the workweek. Mom was a newly empty nester and her hubby wasn't around in the evening either so my mom hung onto her dog. This was the time that he and her formed a very close and unique bond. I was so glad he was always there under foot or sharing her lazyboy so she was never actually alone. She would have been absolutely fine without him, but she is a nurturer by nature and having Jack to love on and spoil became something my whole family could lean on. 
He also was the best security system. Jack would bark at any animate object to come on the property. Most people think this is SO annoying and I think what a lot of people who came to the Parker house didn't realize is that for years he kept my home alone mother safe at night. If anyone had tried to break in he would have immediately woke up and barked his head off (trust me I've tried to sneak in my house) and I know for a fact that he would have torn apart any stranger who attempted to come near my mother. He protected my mom when my dad wasn't there and proved it when he put himself in between an unleashed pitbull and her on one of their regular walks. The same dog who kept her feet warm and licked her face would have died for her. You can't replace that. You can't trust any species besides humans and canines with that kind of responsibility. My mom was the center of Jack's universe and he loved her perfectly. 

We all knew that Jack was sick. We all ignored it and convinced ourselves he was just getting old, but we were having active conversations about what it was going to be like when he left us. I was thankful that he gave us warning, but nothing could have prepared us for losing him. Everything happened so fast and immediately there was a huge hole. The house was too quiet, but we could still hear him. 

[Jack's last photo]

It took a total of 10 days for my mom to find and buy a new puppy appropriately named, Jill. I only had to push her a little. 
The last thing I have to thank Jack for is making my parents "dog people". I had to practically beg my parents to get a dog the first time and drag them to the Pet Store until they finally fell in love. Now, however, they don't want to live without a dog's love and energy in their house. They want to have a dog who is excited to see them when they get home. They want to keep having a reason to walk and go on family beach vacations. Jack completed the picture and we were all so use to having him that when there was an option to fill the hole, however differently, they went for it. 

[new baby Jill]

So many people look at dogs (or pets or kids) as just something to be responsible for. They use excuses like they cost money, get dirty, tie you down, and make messes without thinking first of the everlasting love that dogs give us. I feel sorry for those people. That doesn't mean I don't respect the huge responsibility it is to be a puppy parent, but I feel sorry that they haven't experienced how amazing it is to care for an animal and consider a dog a part of your family. 



Jack wasn't a perfect dog. Some people wouldn't even consider him a good dog. He ate 2 of my retainers. He bit my niece, the gardener, the gas station attendant. I called him a terrorist for years. My dog had an allergist. He tangoed with death on several occasions, including jumping out of a rear seat window of an SUV onto concrete.He peed everywhere and humped the same disgusting stuffed duck for his entire life. I loved him though and we weren't perfect either, but he loved us too.

Miss you buddy.

-that one girl who loved her dog

Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles

PS. Jack was cremated and is buried under the oak tree in my parents back yard with his girlfriend, the duck.