The whole "we'll leave the light on for you" is completely underestimated. I hate that it belongs to some shitty ass motel that breeds cockroaches in the walls.
Nothing says home to me the same way that a lit porch light does at some ungodly hour. It has this gentle way of saying: Someone thought of you- you belong here and even though it's dark and quiet inside and we all went to bed- we kept the house awake to greet you and even though you can't ring the bell and have a proper greeting, you won't struggle to find the right key and unlock the door.
I seem to be in a long standing transition period. I have two homes. One I was born into and my heart will never leave and another that looks like a small pile of building blocks, but feels like a castle. Both are filled with people who leave a parking spot open and the light on, even though I can change my mind on a whim and may or may not be coming home at all.
I took this picture at 3am. I can see my dad doing his regular security check around our house and very intentionally turning off all the lights, except the one for me. My parents may chat about how they worry about me driving at this time a night, but they don't know how easy it is for me to always find my way home.
Story within the story [inception story]:
As a bonus. my irrational fear of the coyotes that live next to my parents home is more easily conquered when the lights are on. I don't have to pep-talk myself to get out of the car for as long. For years and years, I was telling my parents that animals lived on the adjacent property. I've seen countless rodents, deer and the same creepy beady-eyed coyotes over and over without anyone believing that I was seeing them (made me feel crazy for the better part of a year). Even when I hit a deer right outside our neighborhood, my mother thought I was full of it. To be fair, I was raised in a very residential area and this tiny forest seems to be the only breeding area in town.
3am and the surrounding hours is no longer an unusual time for me. Between my job and school and some serious sleep anxiety- I seem to be up in the wee hours of the morning, more often than not. I do appreciate my personal time and to be honest I get a lot done. I feel most creative and motivated between midnight and 4, but after a bad shift or bad dream, it's not like you can just phone a friend. I catch myself drafting texts I can't send and reaching for human connection on social media, which can't be healthy. When my mind is racing, it would be nice to be able to connect, but most people would think I was a completely out of mind if I just call them for a chat at 2 'o' clock in the morning and waking the bear that sleeps in my bed is also just as cruel.
Oh, but the bear did me proud over the holidays. The whole "leaving on of the lights" is exponentially increased over the holidays, probably because there are SO MANY MORE lights to be left on! If Christmas lights don't make you tear up, I feel sorry for you, because you my friend are missing the point. Coming home to this after getting my ass handed to me at work and opening the door to find the love of my life snoozing on the couch, felt more like coming home for Christmas than any carol could ever describe.
So, when the world is quiet and I finally reach where I'm meant to be, I hear someone deciding to switch on the light for me. If you can't be the light that greets your family at the door, I encourage you to "waste" the electricity to leave the beacon on. If you are ever alone and come home to a nightlight, or even better, someone you love sleeping on a piece of furniture that is not a bed, don't see it as it is, see that someone or something waited up, just for you.
loving the light -that one girl
"And if you say we'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light.."
I'll follow you into the light.."
I've listened to this song so very many times when driving between my two homes.
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